I wrote my first book when I was 9 years old. Its title was
misspelled 'Dairies of the Future' and it purported to be a journal of a man
from the future, living in space. Despite shifting motives and mediums, my
passion for the word never wavered in the years that followed. At 14, I began to write poetry and
then lyrics and by the time I was in my early twenties, I was exploring prose
and multi-genre modes of writing, as well as composing lyrics to perform both as a
solo guitarist and also as member of a new-wave band called Eat Organic.
However, my musical and literary ambitions were both cut
short when, in June 1988, I became a father.From
Daddy to Graduate
I had read and thought about parenting, but I was so terrified by the impending responsibility that shortly after my eldest daughter was born, I ran away. More than anything, I felt ill-equipped to be the breadwinner. I had not held down a full-time job for nearly four years, following a disastrous attempt to train as a psychiatric nurse, and with only a handful of GCE 'O' levels to my name, the prospect of adequately remunerated employment seemed remote. Thus in September 1988, having returned home, I decided to re-enter full-time education, studying for a HITECC Diploma, an intensive access-course designed to prepare adults with a good general education for entry onto a Batchelor of Engineering (B.Eng). I enjoyed the course immensely and received ‘A’ grades in all modules.
There are a number of reasons why I took a different path and applied to the University of Leeds to read for a BA in Theology and Religious Studies. The institution itself attracted me –a library holding 2 million books invoked visions of hours, even days, exploring obscure texts in sparsely lit cellars, an ambition I indeed realised, although not always with due regard for course demands or even subject relevance! I was also impressed by the variety of courses on offer, and the opportunity to extend my interest in religion and spirituality beyond a love of Rastafarian reggae, Tao Tse Ching and experimenting with psychedelic drugs. Moreover, my streak of non-conformity made me reluctant to engage in study for a beaten-track business-orientated B.Eng. I was therefore delighted to be accepted at Leeds, commencing September 1989.
Moving from technical study to the liberal arts was never a problem. Having devoted much of the 1980s to experimental writing, I easily proved myself sufficiently competent to the admissions tutor at Leeds through a 10 000 word dissertation for the HITECC Diploma. The challenge was rather to discuss my thoughts and opinions in a rigorous way, sometimes for lecturers who routinely expected students to write in support of their personal perspectives. Taking a tip from a friend reading English at Sussex, I followed the adage, ‘give them everything they want and then you can tell them what you think’. Consequently, I received two distinctions in the first year, including one for my subsidiary, Biblical Hebrew. Altogether, I found it a disciplining experience that did much to build my competence as a reflexive reader of texts.
My three years at university were not untypically a time of great personal change, but complicated by a growing family. During my first year at Leeds, I began to develop a deeper relationship with my daughter Leanne and then, in June 1990, my second daughter Johanna was born. However, in my second and third years, I devoted much more time to my personal exploration and my official studies became sidelined. It was in this context that shortly before the first Gulf War in 1991, wracked by overwhelming self-doubt and drinking heavily, I made a giant leap of faith and converted to Islam.
The year that followed was formative intellectually, although most of my studies were conducted outside the remit of the BA course at Leeds. First of all, I immersed myself in popular Muslim tracts, educating myself in the various Muslim observances, mostly in the Wahhabiya tradition. At the same time, out of sight of my Wahhabi brethren, I was obsessed with the works of Sufi Idries Shah. I was also fortunate enough to discover the writings of Michel Foucault. These three reading threads – popular religion, spirituality and knowledge and power - quickly defined my interests when I stepped back on to the path of academic, exploratory learning in 2004.
But serious study was about to be put on hold. By the time I graduated in the summer of 1992, I had two children and a third on the way. I was committed to making family life work, which ironically had been further sidelined by conversion to Islam. I had bounced back in my studies to gain a 2:2 honours degree, but my rekindled interest in academic achievement had come too late to make good earlier predictions of a first or even an upper second. It seemed my ambitions to study further would not be realised and faced with a young family, I decided to move on and seek employment in teaching.